Examine Room.
Your name is Jamison “JAMS” Egbert. You have a variety of interests, many of which are reflected in the various POSTERS somewhat haphazardly put up around your room.
Your chief interest is in LAWMEN OF DUBIOUS EMOTIONAL STABILITY. Hard drinking detectives with an itchy trigger finger, police inspectors wound up tighter than a spring and twice as repressed, cops so close to the edge that one would need some sort of highly calibrated measuring instrument just to determine that they hadn’t yet crossed it-– you love them all. You fancy that you yourself might one day join the vaunted ranks of unpredictable flatfoots, but until that day truly comes you indulge your ambition with an extensive collection of DETECTIVE HATS. You have so many fucking hats. YOU’RE MAD ABOUT HATS. It’s an interest you’re happy to share with your DEAR OLD DAD.
Outside of detective fiction you also have a penchant for WHIMSICAL CHILDREN’S FILMS, especially those from DECADES GONE BY. Honestly you pretty much prefer everything from DECADES GONE BY. Except Hot Fuzz. Hot Fuzz can stay. What were you saying? Oh, right. You wouldn’t call HOOK your absolute favorite film, but watching it always makes you take some time out to appreciate how great your dad is. You think Hook is just about the greatest dad-appreciation movie this side of A Goofy Movie, or heck, even The Santa Clause.
You also like to MAKE MUSIC but despite your evocative nickname of Jams, you are not much of a talented BARD. You stick mostly to making jazz style covers of classic 80s songs and movies from animated musicals. You’ve even started incorporating some JAZZ ERA SLANG into your speech, especially online.
As previously mentioned, today is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered around the room, provided by your beloved father. Really he’s baked you way too many cakes but you just don’t have it in you to tell him how excessive it is, and thus you find yourself hoarding them here with you, to both your own and the cakes mutually assured DOOM.
What will you do?
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